Attachment Theory

Attachment Theory

To me, practicing therapy from an attachment perspective entails the idea that meaningful connections with others is fundamental to our well being. An attachment relationship is one in which we feel safe and valued. A secure attachment relationship involves having a person we can turn to when we feel sad, lonely, or stressed, as well as excited, happy, or proud.


Zulu for “I see you, you
are important to me
and I value you.”

Without such relationships, we suffer. We may feel unbearably alone and this unwanted aloneness can lead to depression or anxiety. Thus, struggles within our relationships, as well as difficulty connecting safely with others may be harmful to our emotional health. Luckily, our relationships and our ways of relating are not static. They are dynamic and can continually change and evolve. This is where therapy can factor in.

“All real living is meeting.”

― Martin Buber, I and Thou

Role of therapy from an attachment perspective

Therapy is a co-constructed relationship, where the client and I build a bond of safety and security. Together, we achieve insight into old patterns and experience new ways of being. I believe that to be in therapy means to know you are not alone. It is to feel seen and heard. Only when we feel truly “met” in this way, can change occur.